Dr. Oz And the Thirty Day Flat Belly Diet. Just Add Hot Coals.

Sweet potatoes, 12-27-08

Sweet potatoes, 12-27-08 (Photo credit: polkadotpup)

Dr. Oz is promoting a thirty-day flat belly diet.  “In only 30 days, you can have the flat belly you’ve always dreamed of! That’s the promise made by Brett Hoebel, a weight-loss guru who’s designed a miracle formula for flat abs.”

Doesn’t it sound like every infomercial you’ve ever heard?  With before and after photos of ex-models who’ve gained  a few pounds and worked them off in thirty days?  So now it works for everyone!  You, yes you mr. oxygen dependent emphysema patient, can get a flat belly in thirty days!  And you, lady who now weighs a thousand pounds because she’s trying to win some personal record, drop all that weight in thirty days!  Not gonna happen.

So let’s change it to “healthy people being slightly healthier in thirty days.”  Less catchy, but attainable.

Next we have the shopping list, which looks like the shopping list for every New York model.  If you eat only these foods, you will definitely be dropping weight.

Shopping List

Protein

  1. Chicken
  2. Turkey
  3. Eggs

Complex Carbs

  1. Sweet Potato
  2. Brown Rice Cakes
  3. Oatmeal
  4. Leafy Greens (broccoli, spinach, asparagus, lettuce, kale, chard etc.)

Simple Carbs

  1. Apples
  2. Berries

Fat

  1. Raw Nuts & Nut Butter (almonds, cashews, walnuts, almond butter, peanut butter)

Bonus Food: Beans. Legumes are a great source of protein, carbs, good fats and fiber.

Then we start the day with an anti-bloat smoothie.  But look at the ingredients.  My shopping list didn’t include my fresh mint garnish!  And my probiotic straws, where are my probiotic straws!  (Oh, for crying out loud.  Dip a regular straw in yogurt and call it probiotic.)

The meals are all from the “starve-u-R-us” recipe book.  Try adding a bit of cinnamon to your one sweet potato.  You might just forget you’re starving.  But what is this?  I need ten grams of glutamine and not just CLA but Tonalin CLA?  Doggone it, now I’ve got to hit the all-night GNC to get my fat burning supplements.

And exercise?  Where’s that component?  Oh, I can do the five-minute fat burning workout three times a week and that will cover me.  Of course, if that’s all I do, I’ll end up tearing something or hurting something by week two, but never mind that.  Jump and dance.

The only way this plan will give you a flat belly in thirty days is to heat it up, with my new Hot Coals Oompa Loompa! (patent pending).  Do all of the above, but add a ten-by ten foot bed of hot coals (recycled food logs from fair marketed renewable crops).  Every day, twice a day, spend ten minutes on a bed of hot coals.  There’s no instructional tape.  You just do what comes naturally on a bed of hot coals, and watch those pounds literally melt away!

 

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  1. #1 by Life With The Top Down on May 5, 2012 - 8:23 am

    30 days? I didn’t make it through the 30 seconds it took to read the shopping list!

    • #2 by Christopher Maloney, Naturopathic Doctor on May 5, 2012 - 8:28 am

      I think of these diets like mental popcorn. We seem to have an endless craving for another version, but it never really satisfies. Mmm…popcorn. Maybe reading about dieting is the best way to get an appetite.

  2. #3 by the stay at home philosopher on May 5, 2012 - 10:57 am

    Who would tune in to see the reality of health: exercise (everyday), no fast food, plenty of water, veggies, less red meat. NO ONE. You know why? Cause everyone already knows that this will work. What they really want is to believe that there is a secret to good health…and Dr. Oz is willing to oblige. Thanks for the post!

    • #4 by Christopher Maloney, Naturopathic Doctor on May 8, 2012 - 8:20 am

      I wish it was part of every show. Two minutes of someone saying: here’s what I did today, as part of my life plan for health. No “diet” because this is what I always eat. No “new exercise routine” because this is what I do every day. I’d tune in for that, because I’m always interested in the different lifestyles that work for people. I’d particularly like to see 80+ folks talking about what has worked for them for the last thirty years.

      • #5 by the stay at home philosopher on May 8, 2012 - 9:02 am

        and it’s not just quantity of years, it’s also quality of life now. I might not live to be 80 but I look and feel pretty good for my age. I do Yoga. I jog, but not too much. And I also do some things that aren’t very good for me…I just don’t do them all the time. And people in the US eat way too much food! That alone will make you sick…even if it’s “healthy” food. Thanks for your work.

      • #6 by Christopher Maloney, Naturopathic Doctor on May 9, 2012 - 7:08 pm

        Sounds like a sound life strategy.

  3. #7 by Nicole Dunn on May 6, 2012 - 2:52 pm

    You should try it. Try the diet and the workout and see how good you feel. You can’t get a flat belly if you don’t even try and work out. The shopping list is obviously a basic list of foods that you can use to make a healthy meal. Forget the processed and packaged foods, its what’s making American’s fat. Probotic straws help put healthy bacteria into your body – great for those who hate taking pills. We have an obesity problem in this country and we need more positive role models like Brett to help Americans!

    • #8 by Christopher Maloney, Naturopathic Doctor on May 8, 2012 - 8:26 am

      The harm to trying it is the extraordinary expectation of thirty-day results. It is the long-term lack of will power that is most destructive. Brett’s program needs to be followed for a minimum of six months to achieve the sorts of results he claims for an overweight starting person. An obese person is simply not going to see the results within thirty days. If they are fine with seeing a few small changes, then they can try it, but I would like to see at least daily stretching. With most patients I see athletic injury as the derailing agent of any exercise program. Going from couch potato to five minute warrior is a recipe to overdo.

      I love probiotics, but the idea of probiotic straws without incorporating a good fermented food into one’s diet again feels like surface dressing on a very big issue. As we go along, the gut flora (bacteria in the belly) are playing a bigger and bigger part in a variety of illnesses. There needs to be an integration of proper gut flora rather than introducing a few species through a straw.

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