New Birth Control: Zapping Your Testicles!


Image by dulcie via Flickr

I kid you not.  A group of very angry female researchers has found that zapping rat testicles drops their sperm count.

“We were using Tasers, but that just killed them,” said one researcher.  “It was, however, very effective in bar trials with unwitting male volunteers.”

Researchers told newsmen, who squirmed and covered their family jewels during the report, that they used a variety of techniques for sperm reduction.  “Hammers, knees, clenched fists, biting, and, of course, the steel-toed high heel were all very effective at sperm count reduction.” said gleeful researchers.  “It was also a highly enjoyable experimental series.”  They noted with some dissatisfaction that a mere ultrasound was also effective.  “I had my hopes for the three-pound sledgehammer,” said one privately.

Ultrasounding killed the sperm for a period of time, but researchers are working on upping the length.  The same sort of machine is used to check on male infants in the womb, which opens up the possibility of dropping sperm counts before even being born.

“We’re going to continue to experiment,” said one researcher.  “It’s about time men took responsibility for contraception.”


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