Archive for November, 2011

NASA Launches Super-Size Mars Rover To Red Planet | Fox News

NASA Launches Super-Size Mars Rover To Red Planet | Fox News.

In other news, Macy’s launches super-size pants for the average shopper.  McDonald’s disclaims any responsibility for either venture.

Gotta wonder – if there are Martians, how will they react to a nuclear powered car-sized robot from outer space?

Why the big probe?  It’s a real-estate appraisal.  How badly do we want the red planet, and who gets to plant the flag?

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Brine Time for Thanksgiving Turkeys

Brine Time for Thanksgiving Turkeys – Bethwood, CT Patch.

Al Capone had a better method:  “Foist, I rough it up a little, see? Take out the ol’ brass knuckles and give it a good what fer.  Then I bag it and me an the boys kick the thing around until it don’t resist no more.  Once it’s out, I get the toikey foot molds, which only require maybe a thoid of the cement ya  would use for a normal guy.  You let that set up nice for an hour or so.  Strap a buoy around one of the blocks and row out maybe a quarter mile.  Roll da boid over the side and let him pickle fer a day or so.  But put somebody out as look out, cause one year some fisherman started poking around and we had to give him a warning, else he would have pulled da boid up to soon.”

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See what vegetarians eat for Thanksgiving – Atlanta Healthy Trends | Examiner.com

See what vegetarians eat for Thanksgiving – Atlanta Healthy Trends | Examiner.com.

Mmmmm…. lentil loaf.  Now that’s good eatin’.  I like to get my lentils fresh from a local farmer.  We swing the lentils around til they’re dizzy, then chop their heads off.  I hate the smell of all those wet lentil feathers, but boy oh boy, nothing like a juicy lentil drumstick!

Seriously, what crazed veggie came up with Tofurky?  “I know, Day Blossom, let’s take our soy protein and fashion it into the facsimile of a turkey.  It’ll fool our bourgeoise guests as long as they do enough shrooms before sitting down.  Better put some more shrooms in the stuffing, this stuff is nasty.”

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Health News: Increased Rate Of Child Obesity | Health Spa Blog

Health News: Increased Rate Of Child Obesity | Health Spa Blog.

I love the graphic of this post, but even more impressive are the amazing statements: “As we have seen the many problem occur due to child obesity further results to enlargement adult mortality so it is very essential to take proper step to reduce child obesity the best way to guard against childhood obesity is to reduce screen time, eat well and move more by following these three tips you and family all become healthier and as a result your family relationships will be brace.”

Ok, ok, I’m definitely doing more!  Let my family relationships be brace!  It sounds so good, I just don’t know what it means!

child obesity Health News: Increased Rate Of Child Obesity

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Wearing milk? Why not?

A bowl of Cheerios

Image via Wikipedia

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=142335673

In a sudden inspired moment, a German woman has decided that wearing gooey white stuff should be possible for everyone.  She turned it into a fabric and will not comment on her previous attempts to create fabric from Cheerios, Spam, and – well, her boyfriend was exhausted.

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‘Pox Parties’ Bring Back 18th Century Tradition

The time-course of an immune response begins w...

Image via Wikipedia

‘Pox Parties’ in the Age of Facebook – NYTimes.com.

With the current lack of an indigenous population to wipe out, people have begun to infect each other with the pox.  Rather than swapping land for infected blankets, the norm is to use Paypal.  A spokesperson for indigenous people worldwide said:  “it’s about time you wiped yourselves out.”

Look for upcoming STD parties as the same parents look for ways for their children to strengthen their immune systems even more.

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Researchers Find Party Gene!

Alcoholism strongly linked to specific gene mutations – latimes.com.

In finding appropriately named “cannabinoid receptor 1” alcohol gene researchers have generated a flurry of excitement.  Football dads are demanding a fast track to gene therapy, especially for their children cursed with geek genes.

In comparison, last year they found the “tea totaller” gene and- no one cared.

Researchers are currently hard at work discovering the researcher gene, the gene that makes them try to assign everything a gene.  “We’ll get there,” says high muckety-muck Ivy League guy.  “Unless, of course, we figure out how to splice ourselves party genes instead.”

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